So I’ve been living with my boyfriend for about four months now, and needless to say it’s been a combination of great and irritating. However, one thing I didn’t realize beforehand which is kind of irksome is how much he’d just be around all the time. Now don’t get me wrong, I love him and his presence dearly, and do feel like I can be myself around him, but there’s yourself and then your SELF, if you know what I’m saying. I admit it, I do some things when I’m alone that would be considered pretty odd and/or revolting if done in front of witnesses, and I KNOW I’m not the only lady who does.
Luckily, my boyfriend got a gig out of town for two weeks, so my grossness was given its chance to flop out from behind the zipper of relationshipism. So in the name of solidarity and feminism, here is a list of the best and weirdest stuff I relish doing when I’m alone.
1. Pick boogers and flick them onto walls across the room.
This has become a game to see just how far I can get one to go. I don’t want to brag, but 10 feet is child’s play to me.
2. Take shamelessly long showers while singing “On My Own” from Les Miz.
Normally I’m very environmentally conscious, but sometimes this is necessary. And sometimes it’s also necessary to pee while showering because you don’t want to get the toilet seat all wet and you really have to go. Wow, it feels so good to finally say it out loud.
3. Put all the random ingredients you have in your cupboards together and bake it.
Cornstarch and flour do practically the same things, right? RIGHT?
4. Do anything you can think of naked.
The more mundane the better. Some ideas to get you started: making coffee, cleaning out the cat box, paying bills, vacuuming, hanging curtains.
5. Perfect every dance sequence from Newsies and perform it with utmost sincerity.
If you have pets, they can act as your audience so you can feel like you’re giving back to the community.