OK. Getting some men to wear condoms is hard enough…so to speak. Now British Condoms is trying to get you to wear a wearable on your wearable. Its i.Con Smart Condom is a ring that fits over your condom and tracks the activity of you know what. The website says that the device is not yet available that they “are in the final stages of testing i.Con” (whatever testing entails) and “aiming for general public release in 2017.”
The i.Con is “a ring that will sit over a condom at the base, which you can use over and over again. It is extremely comfortable, water resistant and lightweight.” (It better be water-resistant or even bleach resistant because you may want clean it over and over again.) It is also “wearable” technology, which can connect to an app on your smartphone, using what the web site describes as a Nano-chip and sensors. This wearable doesn’t track the number of steps you take unless you are walking in a really weird way. Instead, the web site explains that for £59.99 the i.Con will be able to record:
- Calories burnt during sexual intercourse: On average, 100 calories per session, according to a University of Montreal study.
- Total number of thrusts: Is this like the number of steps? Is there a daily limit that you want to achieve?
- Frequency of sessions: Do you really need a wearable to tell you that you just had sex? Was that sex or just a firm handshake? And if you really need a wearable to count the number of times you are having sex, then you are probably having enough sex.
- Total duration of sessions: Or maybe you can what’s called a clock.
Girth measurement: Big data?
- Speed of thrusts and average velocity of thrusts: Sex is not pitching in baseball. Faster is not necessarily better.
- Different positions used (currently BETA testing – will have more info in a release coming soon): How exactly will this be measured?
- Average skin temperature: Not sure what this information tells you. Although if it drops below 32 degrees Fahrenheit or above 200 degrees, you probably need medical attention.
Additionally, Denisese Moreno reports for Medical Daily that “developers of the smart condom said the i.Con can indicate the presence of sexually transmitted infections (STIs); the ring has an ‘antibodies filter’ which sends an alert to the app when it detects proteins or antigens found in STIs.” Is the “world’s first smart condom ring” really that smart? Has this diagnostic capability actually been scientifically tested? What if a false negative gives the user some false assurance?